Dude.

12/20/2013

I had this fucking escapade with this guy.. let me just call him "dude". We're like having this fvcking (but NO SEX) relationship called "friends with benefits". Technically, we're not friends, we had just met 4 days ago and it was our 3rd meeting. hahaha... I' m not an easy girl but I just don't want to be boring. Moreover, we couldn't call our relationship like "unofficially yours", yes, he has a 3-year gf and i also had this unlabeled relationship longer than his rel.; so we could never be an official couple. However, I feel that he don't want a romantic relationship with me "JUST LOVE".

I think or I feel that I'm falling for him. he's just fucking sexually attracted to me.. just that! LUST! what would i expect more? none, just this horny body. i also know that he still love his gf even they had a quarrel for months besides his mom likes his gf and they're close to each other. He doesn't have also the initiative to court me or what. I was like his mistress when his horny(but no sex allowed). Well, all I can do is to pleasure (pressure) him like no other can do it to him.

I had this eagerness to have my own "Intoy" of Lapit na u. He's so cool even though he's not showy, he loved this girl he's having sex with, Jen. But he doesn't show that to her and in fact its the contrary that he shows that he's cool so Jen would not be confident or would take him for granted.

(back on the story) I love the way he used to pay for all of our expenses, food, lodge, fare, drinks, etc. hahaha.. i want that kind of guy, for me it's a very manly thing, gentleman. Just like "Christian Grey" in 50 shades of grey to Ana, that kind of affair would be the best for me if I would have one. I would willingly accept all his conditions if I would be sure that he would only be mine, ONLY MINE. well, everyone wanted to own his/her loved one. and yes,of course, i do also.

If only he doesn't have his gf and would be serious to me. hay.. how i wish that's the case, but i know it wont happen. i dont want to assume because there's nothing only lust. he just wants my body. he told me, "sexy ka kase ee". The most sincere and flattering compliment that i heard from him was "saan ka bumibili ng damit mo?. . . kase ang ganda mong pumorma..". i was flattered and so overwhelmed. that i have something to show to anyone that i could be proud of with or without him. moreover was when he asked me "nag-ggym ka ba?. . . ang ganda kse ng katawan mo, ang sexy tapos ang liit ng bewang mu at ang laki ng back mu."(revised). at least, i dont have to be ashamed that i was with him cos he's a real hottie!

Our relationship is like a flame in hell, there is this highest peak or the climax when the flame is burning all over, the heat and fire is unstoppable, that is when we had our own shared world. and like flame, it had to be turned into ashes, the fire starts to lose its flame and ashes are just left, memories that would never turn again into flame. it's just our end. only for short time.

After our 1st meting, i told to myself that if he would not pm me via txt or fb, I doesn't catch his attention and i failed but fortunately he did pm me. we had some not so naughty convo and he got my digits.during our 2nd meeting, lantern, he planted a hot kiss on me. so, i responded and we did it for maybe 15 minutes. we were interrupted by a call from a friend hurrying me that the person that i  promised to be with at 10pm was already there waiting for me. I thought i would be dead after 10 minutes. Thankfully, i was not, i just acted. During the preceding time i was not happy, in fact i was just like forcing myself and all i was thinking was this guy the whole time. damn!!! i was already fucking attached and already drowning in hell. our 3rd meeting is another 1st for me. and there all it happened but we didn't have sex. yes, we didn't, i was being easy to  get if i let him. I didn't even show him any sexy part of my body. i was just playing safe.

Dude? why dude? i feel that it is very cool to call a guy dude, its too chill, its like your very close friend, i always wanted to be the princess of my guy friends, to be the apple of their eyes even i don't have a bf, it feels like i don't have to have one.

12/21/13

Early in the morning, i checked first my phone, hoping for his text and i had one from him but i was just disappointed that he didn't text me today. He would not text me if i would not text him first. I told to myself that if he would not willingly text me, our friends with benefits relationship would be over, i have to stop it before i get laid and fuck. I couldn't help myself from expecting a text from him, i missed called him but no response. well, it is already the end. i should never be fucking attach to him so i wont be fool to be fucked.

-kdm